It comes in bursts. You think you have it under control, that the emotion is bottled up and stored for darker, private moments. Then something brings down the barrier and the flood of emotions breaks over you, overwhelming your control. You cry.
For me, today it was reading the eulogy. How do you boil down 17 years of life into 100 words? How can you capture what was there, lying just beneath the surface waiting for time and opportunity to blossom into something great? How do you surmise potential and unrealized talents?
I can’t do it in 100 words.
He was a loner in the most inconsistent sense of the term. At times he needed no one but himself yet he always seemed to need people. Cody had fire and a brilliance that came so naturally I often thought that he didn’t see it.
Cody was passionate and brash. He could feel so deeply, joy in one moment and anger in another. It was astonishing to see how he juggled the world around him; quite aware that he was different yet unable to decide if being unique was desirable.
At an early age he learned how to control his own environment, using obscurity, sympathy and humor as effortlessly as if they were innate traits to his being. When he wanted to he could defuse, compound or command nearly any situation. I wish I could have helped him see this talent in himself.
Cody was also in pain, through no fault of his own. He battled aliments which he readily admitted he could control if he put his mind to it. But he was a kid at heart. He had to grow up so fast, so young and he wanted the chance to experience some of the chaos of youth, allowing himself reign at times to experience life anew and in ways he wasn’t afforded previously.
Cody was investing in the stock market before he turned 16, watching CNN for tips. Constantly casting outlandish statements left and right, pining for a laugh and getting scores of them. He wanted to be seen and hear. He wanted to live and love and taste all the world could offer and now Cody is a memory; A sought after smile, the word to cut the tension that will not come. A man who was a boy, now will always be.
Cody, you were seen. Still sought after, never forgotten, ever missed.