What do American’s fear more than global terrorism? The answer is fat people. We fear them so much that we actually monitor how many fries they can buy at McDonalds.
Every week your local news papers, periodicals, and stations run warning adds about that alarming increase in obesity in America. They claim it is targeting our children and our elderly and driving up the price in healthcare, the number 3 fear for most Americans.
Take for instance this lady. She was simply walking down the street minding her own business when somebody had to snap a picture of her for a story about the atrocities of saturated fats and trans fats.
She probably knows that she is over weight. In fact, she may be walking for that particular reason. Does she really deserve to open the paper and realize that the gigantic picture on the front page is of her posterior?
Clearly, she does because she is fat. If American’s could get away with it they would put them in camps like we did with German-American’s during World War II.
Although there is no cure in site for people who eat a lot and don’t work out enough (or have a medical reason for being overweight) scientists are optimistic that with enough government control and ridicule from the masses, that fat people will be eventually extinct. Just knowing that makes me sleep better at night.
Perhaps you remember the blog
long ago where I mentioned my roommate Leroy. Well since that blog I have moved out because of irreconcilable differences. He got married and didn’t want me living there any more. I didn’t want to live there if he was going to get married. I think we all get the picture.
Well, aside from Leroy’s ninja skills, he has veritably endless bad-o-tricks. Seriously, if I ever needed a consultant to move a house I would just call Leroy and assume that he has at least 80 hours of experience in the field. Come to think of it, I am pretty sure he has 80 hours of experience in every single field known to man.
Point and case, take last night. I was eating a frosty treat at the local DQ (The Peanut Buster Parfait if you must know). So I am enjoying my frozen delight when I glance up and wouldn’t you know it Leroy made the freaking sign for the DQ.
Seriously, I didn’t ever see him sleep when I lived there. He wouldn’t be home when I went to bed and he would be gone before I got up. I think we all know why. With everything he is doing in the business realm I don’t know how he has time to go to the bathroom let alone sleep, eat and watch various TV shows.
All employers in the United States face a difficult problem. How to lower the company’s Workers Comp premiums? Well one company has finally solved the problem. A Warwick tree service company found one glaring loophole. Just before the scheduled hearing for a workers comp case to address the slashing of the workers face with a chainsaw (self inflicted), the individual was deported. That is a sure fire way to keep down costs.
Schoolteachers across the nation have joined together to bash the No Child Left Behind Act. Now this is what we have been waiting for people. Hundreds of years of repressed anger unleashed by the people who have heard the best burns, insults, bashes, and all around crude jokes in the history of the world: middle school and high school teachers! Of course the Elementary School teachers will probably have their fair share of insults but they all have to rhyme ala Liar, Liar Congresses self assessment of the No Child Left Behind Act’s pants are on fire!
The I-Phone is scheduled to be released on June 29th according to Apple. This release date coming after months of other release dates being announced and then denounced as the product release has been postponed for undisclosed reasons. Yeah, I might not recommend going out and buying a first generation I-Phone unless you get a replacement warranty that includes “Total replacement if the product just doesn’t work”. Delays to follow.
When was the last time you went to a Chuck E Cheese? Do you remember those horrible animatronics oversized cartoonless characters? Didn’t they freak you out? They had been there for like 40 years and still had to perform and had never been cleaned.
Well here is another spoiler. Bob Barker is an animatronics human. If you look at his picture it is quite clear that his shinny skin is plastic and his black eyes and distant stare are courtesy of the glass eyes they had installed. Come on, there is no way this dude is still alive. He was 300 years old in the 20s for crying out loud.
His voice doesn’t even sound like an old persons voice. If you listen carefully it sounds like an old record of him they recorded back in the 60s when they first switched from live Bob Barker to Animatronic Bobby, as it is affectionately referred too.
Now I know there are many of you who love Bob Barker and this will be hard for you to grasp but seriously. Who living would use that friggin microphone? Yeah, no one would. That’s right… the one with the 50 feet of cable running around after it. I think that is the power cord for Animatronic Bobby.
And have you noticed that the girls and contestants on the show seem to be a little less weirded out by him. It’s probably because Animatronic Bobby doesn’t have “old guy” smell.
Also how would it be possible for anyone that old to take the rigorous jostling that the host of The Price is Right takes? Think about it. He has heavyset southern women tossing him into the air on a regular basis. And over zealous men bear hugging him every day. He would totally have been killed by the trauma. I could never have pulled that stuff with my Grandma.
Seriously though, you cannot possibly think that he is alive. Look at him... just look!